Lent 5 - telling it as it is

Funerals.  I've been to a few too many in recent weeks.  I always feel they are rather odd occasions - a mixture of well behaved , solemn ritual and leaking, seeping grief.  We are pretty rubbish at death in our buttoned up, hide it away, never speak of it, it can't happen to us society. I suspect the african cultures who wail and scream probably do grief better than we do.  There are definitely downsides to being polite and reserved.

I heard two pretty impressive stories at two different funerals which I'd like to tell you.

The first concerned Robert who was tragically killed a few weeks ago.  At his funeral the story was told about him buying a car which had a number plate which Robert recognised could be worth some money.  He researched it, sold it, and then took the money he had received from the sale round to the original owners of the car and gave it to them.

Good story eh?

Yesterday at Heather's funeral someone told me that. as a schoolteacher for many years, Heather had once come across a young man who was bullied by his peers and not very popular at all.  Socially awkward and with few friends this young man found himself without a date for the school leavers formal dance.  Heather hired him a tuxedo and partnered him to the dance where the two of them proceeded to have so much fun that the bullied student became the star of the show.

I didnt know either of these things about my friends.  They were small details of their lives which had happened unbeknown to me.  But both incidents show them for the people they were.  Kind, honest, generous, sensitive, righteous.  Listening to these and the many lovely and kind words spoken about my friends at their funerals made me wonder what people would say about me at mine.   And it also made me realise that we are really bad at telling people what they mean to us when they are alive.

Im really glad that the last time I saw my friend Heather, a couple of weeks ago, we parted by hugging.  Heather said ' I love you'  and I said ' I love you too' - and we grinned and waved goodbye not ever thinking that it would be the last time we would see each other this side of heaven.   After her funeral today I went to sit with Gladys for a while.  She is 93 and dying.  She hasn't eaten for over a week and is now asleep for most of the time.  I probably wont get the chance now to tell her what I feel about her and how much she means to me.  But that doesnt matter because a couple of times over recent years I have written her a card telling her what she means to me.  And on at least one occasion we have had the conversation face to face : ' I love you - but I love you more!'

I have been very blessed with some amazing people in my life.  If you are reading this you are probably one of them.  I have probably never told you that I am so thankful for your friendship. Maybe I haven't taken the time to let you know what it is about you which makes you special.  Why I like you so much and the difference you have made to my life.   For the rest of Lent I'm going to try to do something about that.  Maybe you could too?   Take a few minutes to write an email or a message or a card to someone you appreciate and tell them the sort of things you might say at their funeral.  We all take each other for granted way too much.  And we all think we have plenty of time.....