Lent 34 - miracles

Eighteen years ago today I was about to miss a flight to my honeymoon safari to Kenya because we went to the wrong airport !  I'm pretty sure the first day of married life shouldn't be as stressful as ours turned out to be ( thanks to the lovely people at KLM airlines we did make it to our destination on time - but only just) but perhaps it was fitting; because the rest of married life has turned out to be pretty stressful too.

For those of you who know me well you will understand it when I say that the fact that Keith and I are still married after 18 years is a miracle.  I'm not being flippant or funny.  It truly is. For us marriage has been the most uncomfortable, difficult, stressful thing either of us have ever done.  It didn't help that I was 34 and Keith was 35 when we married....... so we had plenty of single person bad habits to try to shake off and were both well set in our ways.  If it hadn't been for the fact that God quite clearly spoke to us both in different ways when we met we very probably would not have stuck it out.    Before we met face to face for the first time I had a very significant dream in which God was holding my hand and giving me specific instructions about what the upcoming meeting was to look like.  The dream ( I can still see every detail of it now in my minds eye) kept me in check over the first few weeks of the relationship and helped me to keep a focus on what God had said.  Then when we got engaged, someone in church had a picture for us both.  In the picture Keith and I were coming down from mountain tops on opposite sides of a valley and meeting down in the valley at the bottom.  The word said that we were going to walk through a valley and it would be hard, but if we kept together and kept going forward eventually we would come out of the valley into open pasture.    Not exactly the joyous promise anyone wants on their engagement day!  But that word and the dream have been all that have held me in this marriage at times.   Those things, and the promises I made on my wedding day.

We have been through some very unhappy times - not helped in the slightest by the depression I suffered for years after the boys were born.  We tried counselling but it didn't really work for us because ...... well, for lots of reasons.  Friends worried about us and some of mine talked to me about the possibility of leaving.   But leaving was never an option - because despite it all God has been here in the middle of it.   Even in the midst of deep unhappiness, loneliness and stress there can be a peace which bypasses logic and is like an anchor.  It is hard to explain, but when I made a promise to Keith in front of God to be married to him until one of us dies, I meant it.  And God sealed that promise and has helped me to keep it.  And that is what is the miracle.


Over the past years God has been working on me.  He has answered some of my difficult questions and set to rest some unresolved issues from the past.  He has allowed me an insight into what my life might have looked like if I hadn't married Keith - and funnily enough, I didn't really fancy it after all!  Despite all the difficulties I still think that we were supposed to be married and that God is in this.  Its been hard to see why sometimes.  And without a shadow of a doubt we could have done a better job of it.  But there you have it.  Life is tricky and nobody is perfect.

For the past ten years or so I have not celebrated my wedding anniversary in any way, preferring just to ignore the day rather than have to either pretend or lie that I was in any way rejoicing in my wedded bliss.  But this year I sense that something has come to an end.  A season is over.  Perhaps we are nearing the end of the valley and the pasture is in sight.  I can't pretend that everything is perfect and joyful, but a time of grieving is definitely over.  God says he has the oil of joy for mourning and a spirit of praise instead of heaviness.  I choose to believe that joy and praise might yet be seen in our marriage.  It will take more miracles.  But we believe in miracles.

It is incredibly hard for Christian couples to talk about their relationships if they are not going well.  Somehow we all feel we have to be perfect.  We look at other people and think they are perfect and we are the only ones struggling.  We feel that we will be betraying our partner if we mention how they drive us round the bend or snore or don't want sex or are financially unreliable or are having an affair or are looking at porn or are too engrossed in work or are unreasonable or unkind.  I'm not sure what we can do about that.  Because its even harder to talk about marriages than it is to talk about mental health - and that's hard enough!  But if you are in a tough spot just now, or have been in a tough marriage for a long time then just remember that nothing lasts forever, especially not feelings.  Miracles can and do happen.   You can do this.  God will help you but perhaps not in ways you might want Him to.  Keep your eyes on the prize. And if you possibly can, then talk to someone about it.  You might be surprised to find that you are not the only one having a hard time.  Our enemy hates marriage and will do all he can to destroy it and wipe out families.  God is fighting for you and Jesus is praying for you.  Work on being the best version of you you can possibly be and don't listen to the voices shouting at you to quit.  If God joined you together then He has a purpose in you being together and an investment in keeping you together.   Hang on in there.  I for one am cheering for you x